Sia

We all have thunderclouds in our lives. A new day begins & we choose to focus and over-react on our one problem(thundercloud) ignoring all the beautiful things around us. Don't be afraid of these thunderclouds because these are temporary. When you grow old, become mature and wise you will turn back, reminisce & realize that these thunderclouds were the only things which led you to grow and become what you are today!

0127

I know

We'll have our disagreements

Be fighting for no reason

I wouldn't change it for the world

If I wrote it in a book,

could I shelve it?

If I told of what you took,

would that help it?

If I will it,

can I un-feel it,

now I've felt it?

- After You

12 Steps

Kamusta po.

So I was watching A Walk Among The Tombstones.

You should really watch cause it's a really goooooooooooood movie.

It's a bloodbath if you ask me, like they got blood here and there.

But in the movie, what caught me are the 12 steps that they mentioned in the AA meeting (Well google AA meeting if you have no idea about it)

Step 8 :

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9 :

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Aren't those two beautiful?

I mean, everyone and not just alcoholic should be reminded of those two steps.

Kamusta!

So I woke up at 2PM today.

Correction : I woke up to two surprises (good news actually)

So for the past few weeks I've been hoping for SHARE Scholarship to choose me as a representative from Malaysia for the next conference and guess what, I'M IN.

To be honest it has been such a really long time to receive this kind of letter with that heading T_T

So I went to the first conference which held in PH in 2017.

The 2nd conference was August this year and I didn't get the chance to attend.

So I heard there's another conference in October and one of the requirements to be chosen is I must be a participant of at least one of the previous conferences.

Can't wait to explore Bangkok as this will be my first time visiting Thailand!

Tapos na! :)

Am I not over you, if the thought of you still causes me pain?

My fingertips are crumbling with the ache of wanting to touch you.

Well you have always been my favourite almost.

You and I are never us, we are just a complicated series of almost interactions.

My heart aches in corners I did not know existed all this time.

It seemed the gray world was aching in discomfort and so do I.

Mood : Fallon Carrington

The thing is, it's not that people stop dating each other.

If you ask me, of course I want a partner.

It's just that, the idea of having a partner itself is hard.

"How's your ideal boyfriend?"

A person that I don't have to worry about.

Meaning that a person that I don't have any doubt when it comes to making decision.

A person that doesn't give me doubt when he says "hey I'm going out with my friends" or "I'm a bit busy" 

Like if he says he's busy working, that means he's working.

If he says he's with friends, it means he's with his friends and not banging other woman.

You see, if you ask me, it takes a lot of courage and liability to have a partner.

You don't want to invest your money and time into a person that simply waste what you give to them.

A partner should not be the person that you have to worry about so that you can focus on other things like your study, your work and other stuff.

It's just that I'm writing this so that I make myself clear in case someone saying I'm being a choosy folk.

Call it what you want, I got dreams to pursue.

⚠️

Adrfit

Kamusta!

So it's 0343 and I just finished watching Adrift.

The movie is basically new and it is based on a true story.

Please read this only when you watched the movie since I don't want you to blame me later for spoiling it out for you XD

So the movie is about Tami and Richard where they met each other in Tahiti.

Tami, 24 years old girl running away from home which was in San Diego while Richard, 33 years old man used to be a navy or something so basically he's a sailor.

Things led to another and they got engaged.

They made a pact to sail around the world together.

One night there was a big storm coming and basically Richard didn't make it.

To make it short, Tami had hallucinations where during the 41 days journey to Hawaii (the closest so far) she had hallucination where Richard asked her to not stop sailing and that had kept her alive.

She didn't know she had hallucination (lol me too) until there was a scene where "Richard, I let you go now" and that basically had me SHOOK.

It's a beautiful movie if you ask me.

When Tami first got to Tahiti, she was been asked "How long will you be here" and all she had was "I don't know"

She was so wild and carefree.

She wasn't afraid of anything and I guess that made Richard fell in love with her.

But the most important thing, she made it out alive.

Aug 8th

but you didn't have to cut me off
make out like it never happened
and that we were nothing
and I don't even need your love
but you treat me like a stranger
and that feels so rough

you didn't have to stoop so low
have your friends collect your records
and then change your number
I guess I don't need that though
now you're just somebody that I used to know

and baby you're all that I want
when you're lying' here in my arms

I'm findin' it hard to believe
we're in heaven

cheese roll

Mako and I decided to eat sushi for lunch today.
Too bad the queue was too long.

Deep inside I felt a bit disappointed.
Three years ago when H and I went out, we would go to sushi but he was the only one ended up eating since I wasn't into sushi that much.

I never tried actually.

A Yuppie's Prayer

Dear Lord,

Day in and day out

I'm in the daily grind

Meetings here, desk work there

Always on the go, You'd find

I know somehow You've put me here

In my work, to make a difference

Help me stop and take stock

Let me have the perspective that makes sense

I lay my work and lifestyle at Your feet

With heart willing in submission

To Your will and dream of my life

For which You have the best plan and vision

May what I earn not be for naught

Never should I use these for selfish gain

Rather, those in need, lend a helping hand

With hope my faith will never wane

May those I love in my life

Never be neglected by me

All my relationships good and strong

As best as they can be

And as I go along this life's journey

Searching for my place

Guide me along, protect my way

Till I thank You face to face

Is it just me or Connor Walsh (played by Jack Falahee in HTGAWM) is a true daddy-o?

"smile or go to jail"

0400

I was watching How To Get Away With Murder and there's this one scene where Oliver and Walsh were arguing where Oliver basically rejected his boyfriend's acceptance to Standford.

They argued like a normal couple would do.

Except this time, there was no screaming.

Oliver was wondering because Walsh was supposed to yell and be mad at him.

Instead, Walsh simply said he forgave Oliver.

A couple of minutes before Oliver said they should just ended everything.

Well, we all been there, aren't we?

Like we thought everything is okay in the relationship, not knowing the other party is tired already.

We thought "oh this happened before we'll get through it" except for the fact there is no other next time.

I've been there.

I was so into the relationship I almost forgot the feeling wasn't mutual anymore.

#scary

2 ghosts

same lips red

same eyes blue

same white shirt

couple more tattoos

but it's not you and it's not me

tastes so sweet

looks so real

sounds like something that I used to feel

but I can't touch what I see

we're not who we used to be

we're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me

0503

"When someone's been gone a long time, at first you
save up all the things you want to tell them. 
You try to keep track of everything in your head. 
But it's like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand : 
all the little bits slip out of you hands, and then you're just 
clutching air and grit"

- Jenny Han, To All The Boys I've Loved Before

Bubbly

I was scrolling Instagram when I came across Linda's feed.

Her feed reminds me of Manila since she took lot of random pictures even if it's just a piece of straw or a cone of ice cream.

One of her pictures has a caption of "missing the freedom" or something about her being carefree.

I don't deny that since I had the same thing.

Back in PH I got no cars, no family nearby and even a stupid and small bedroom shared with 2 other people.

But it was enough to give me something that I will never trade.

I'm missing those days when I had to wake up, a bit eager to go to class since I only got like 4 classes to attend which was on Friday, Saturday and Monday.

Those days where laundry was my favourite thing to do since it's beside the place where I lived and I got to talk to Diona in order to kill time.

Those nights where Lauder would randomly asked if we could grab a coffee around 11pm cause he got stuff to do and we ended up around 5am having breakfast at McDonalds.

Those mornings where he would ask if we could go to Amor and had breakfast.

I don't know if anyone knew about this but I watched my first basketball games in Marikina where one of my good friends, Peter was happy to bring me to watch one of his games.

I attended my very first catholic funeral with Peter and his girlfriend, Kara.

I actually signed the guestbook "It's Teah from Malaysia"

We actually laughed a bit during the mass because Peter told us stupid joke about this one friend of the deceased went to the funeral after a party and told the one of the family members "Congratulations" instead of "Condolences"

Those days where I would never get tired of walking around.

It was one of those days where I would spent the rest of the days digesting tort cases in the library since Pinoys were to funny and the facts of the case were never boring.

My heart said "Give away everything to simply get to live those days again would you" but no.

I've got so many stuff to finish around here.

Thanks PH for making my 2017 the greatest year of my life (Jan 13th until June 3rd)

^_^

5pm view

Main Building :)

xx

It's January 15th and this is the only time I got to write.

2017 was a good year, indeed.

I learnt so many things, the good and the bad things.

To sum it up, I learnt how to make friends and how to lose them.

But that's fine, the important part is I learnt from my mom to keep opinions that are contrary from other people, all to myself.

I learnt how to forgive people even when they don't deserve it.

I learnt that I don't owe anyone any explanation and to move on with my life.

Some people genuinely think I don't even know how to value a friendship.

Some people think they know myself better than I am.

Some people conclude things too fast.

Well, let me tell you this.

You might stick to your opinion while I move past this.

You might have your groundless accusations towards me while I'm focusing on something else that matters.

You do you, I'll do a better me.

If for one second you're thinking I might need you back into my life and asking for forgiveness for something that I did not commit, you are wrong, I'm better off without you.

Have a nice 2018.