0400

I was watching How To Get Away With Murder and there's this one scene where Oliver and Walsh were arguing where Oliver basically rejected his boyfriend's acceptance to Standford.

They argued like a normal couple would do.

Except this time, there was no screaming.

Oliver was wondering because Walsh was supposed to yell and be mad at him.

Instead, Walsh simply said he forgave Oliver.

A couple of minutes before Oliver said they should just ended everything.

Well, we all been there, aren't we?

Like we thought everything is okay in the relationship, not knowing the other party is tired already.

We thought "oh this happened before we'll get through it" except for the fact there is no other next time.

I've been there.

I was so into the relationship I almost forgot the feeling wasn't mutual anymore.

#scary

2 ghosts

same lips red

same eyes blue

same white shirt

couple more tattoos

but it's not you and it's not me

tastes so sweet

looks so real

sounds like something that I used to feel

but I can't touch what I see

we're not who we used to be

we're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me

0503

"When someone's been gone a long time, at first you
save up all the things you want to tell them. 
You try to keep track of everything in your head. 
But it's like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand : 
all the little bits slip out of you hands, and then you're just 
clutching air and grit"

- Jenny Han, To All The Boys I've Loved Before

Bubbly

I was scrolling Instagram when I came across Linda's feed.

Her feed reminds me of Manila since she took lot of random pictures even if it's just a piece of straw or a cone of ice cream.

One of her pictures has a caption of "missing the freedom" or something about her being carefree.

I don't deny that since I had the same thing.

Back in PH I got no cars, no family nearby and even a stupid and small bedroom shared with 2 other people.

But it was enough to give me something that I will never trade.

I'm missing those days when I had to wake up, a bit eager to go to class since I only got like 4 classes to attend which was on Friday, Saturday and Monday.

Those days where laundry was my favourite thing to do since it's beside the place where I lived and I got to talk to Diona in order to kill time.

Those nights where Lauder would randomly asked if we could grab a coffee around 11pm cause he got stuff to do and we ended up around 5am having breakfast at McDonalds.

Those mornings where he would ask if we could go to Amor and had breakfast.

I don't know if anyone knew about this but I watched my first basketball games in Marikina where one of my good friends, Peter was happy to bring me to watch one of his games.

I attended my very first catholic funeral with Peter and his girlfriend, Kara.

I actually signed the guestbook "It's Teah from Malaysia"

We actually laughed a bit during the mass because Peter told us stupid joke about this one friend of the deceased went to the funeral after a party and told the one of the family members "Congratulations" instead of "Condolences"

Those days where I would never get tired of walking around.

It was one of those days where I would spent the rest of the days digesting tort cases in the library since Pinoys were to funny and the facts of the case were never boring.

My heart said "Give away everything to simply get to live those days again would you" but no.

I've got so many stuff to finish around here.

Thanks PH for making my 2017 the greatest year of my life (Jan 13th until June 3rd)

^_^

5pm view

Main Building :)

xx

It's January 15th and this is the only time I got to write.

2017 was a good year, indeed.

I learnt so many things, the good and the bad things.

To sum it up, I learnt how to make friends and how to lose them.

But that's fine, the important part is I learnt from my mom to keep opinions that are contrary from other people, all to myself.

I learnt how to forgive people even when they don't deserve it.

I learnt that I don't owe anyone any explanation and to move on with my life.

Some people genuinely think I don't even know how to value a friendship.

Some people think they know myself better than I am.

Some people conclude things too fast.

Well, let me tell you this.

You might stick to your opinion while I move past this.

You might have your groundless accusations towards me while I'm focusing on something else that matters.

You do you, I'll do a better me.

If for one second you're thinking I might need you back into my life and asking for forgiveness for something that I did not commit, you are wrong, I'm better off without you.

Have a nice 2018.