Goals Setting

I just want to work hard, make money, settle down and eat with good people.

I just want to love the same man over and over again.

This is just perfectly fine for me.

Not too big yet not too small for a minimalist person like me.

Isn't it cool that one day you might have little people running around your house that are half you and half the person you love.

Back to 2003 

"Cita-cita nak jadi apa?"

*Selak kamus bergambar*

"Saya nak jadi attendant yang kerja dengan ambulans tu"

*Cikgu Wan terkelu*

Now 365/365 of 2014

"Dulu cakap nak jadi ambulans punya attendant"

"People change la mak. Public prosecutor sounds cool"
"Abang cer awak tengok anak awak ni"

"Abah tak nak rumah besar, Cukup ada bilik, dapur, ruang tamu dan ruang untuk cucuk tanam."

"Untuk tanam je ke abah? Habis tu ayam ayam nak dok mana"

This is perfect. A pretty house and a space to run.

Travel in a low budget with the right person. Ain't that sounds great?

Imagine you're at home and someone asks you to grab your passport and phone.

"Let's have a great escape."

I need to adjust many things for now and it takes time.
I need to count every and each blessings in life so that I know I will be happy even just for a moment.
Goals come in many forms, bukannya tertumpu pada duit or how well you do in your job.
It all depends on how big your dream and desire to live well.

Intimacy

Intimacy is not who you let to touch you.
It is not always about sex and the desire to have each other physically.
It is not always about being naked or exposing yourself to your partner.

It is the exposure of your very own self either in a good way or in a bad way, mentally.
It is being naked in telling your deepest fear without any compromise.
It is the feeling of satisfaction in delivering your own emotions and thoughts to someone else.
It is always about having a connection with one particular person that you barely get from anyone else.
It is the sense of belonging to someone else.

However, intimacy is always based on trust between two parties.
Trust is the basis in every kind of relationship.
It is the hardest thing to get yet the easiest one to be broken.

Blog Your Heart Out

"You suka buat apa other than reading?"

"I love to write. Idk why"

"I suka pendam and tak suka tulis or type apa yang I rasa, and tak tahu kenapa"

"Seriously? Kalau I tak suka pendam"

"It's okay one day I cakap apa yang I pendam and you tulis, how about that?"

Due to banjir, sekolah and any lectures yang start 5 haribulan will be postponed to 12th January 2015.

Somehow I feel sad and I don't know why,

Memang lah kelas lapan sampai enam penat tapi kalau benda tu kau suka, no matter how hard and difficult the situation, kau telan je.

This sem sumpah padat gila sebab tambah satu subjek, kalau total up ada 8 subjek.

4 subjek law, 2 subjek english, ekonomi and CTU.

If last sem subjek english paling tak stress and pergh sumpah best gila,

but this sem YA ALLAH STRESS NYA ENGLISH JE PUN.

ELC092 and ELC093.

ELC092 okay lagi belajar pasal speaking and takda problem pun so far.

Yang problemnya ELC093.

Madam akan kasi something like a picture and describe it in full details.

Gambar dia semua jenis yang deep deep gila sampai satu masa Adib tak tahan, dia cakap "Sorry madam but this picture is too deep" (sambil geleng geleng kepala)

Sumpah satu kelas gelak time tu hahaha <3

Yang ajar nya senior lecturer and she's an indian, so kau faham lah slang dia cana.

Ngantuk tu jangan cakap masyallah nak makan pun tak boleh, dia warning siap siap.

But one thing I like about her is that dia suka kasi something behind all the things yang dia cakap.

"Try to structure your thoughts and pour it on paper, either by typing it or writing the sentences."

"Believe it or not when you type or write, you tend to be more creative and more concentrate on what you're going to write down."

I support you madam, no doubt, 100%.

Mula mula bila nak buat essay ke, even blog sekalipun, kita mesti fikir 2 3 kali,

Sure ke nak tulis ni macam takda isi sangat je.

Cuba try to be more organized and jot down all the points and ideas you got.

From that you will be able to see how far you can go.

Hidden Dream

"Aye girl tell me your biggest dream"

I want to sit with someone at 3 am on the rooftop and talk, really talk. I want that particular person to tell me what keeps him up at night and the dream he keeps having. I want him to tell me what certain songs make him feels like and his metaphysical speculation of the perplex idea of God and heaven. Talk to me about his biggest fear and every twisted frightened thoughts he ever had. I want his words to tear my skin apart and his eyes to crack my bones.

I just want to deeply converse with him.

Goals for 2015

(( heavily breathing ))

Since I'm done with "to all the boy's I've loved before", currently right now I'm reading "if i stay & where she went" and next "WINGER".

I know I should make an entry or a little bit of review regarding "to all the boys I've loved before" but yea tengah malas so next time lah lol 

btw as you can see the picture on the above is actually.. what do we call that, goals?

I don't have any relationship goals or life goals, YET.

So yea those are the books I NEED to have in 2015 and yep I won't shop randomly for books, not anymore.

From now on, *hands on chest* I promise myself I'll read each and every single of review and comments before I buy any books, well it's not because before this ada terbeli buku tak best ke apa, tapi nak elak daripada beli a book yang actually ada sequels before that so yea *sigh*.

For instance, accidentally I bought "this is so not happening" without knowing yang sebenarnya there were 2 books behind it so yea pathetic right.

* cries a river *

Life's Trading

u know some people just don't get it

they don't know how much u care
they don't even notice how much u concern about them

like they don't even give u a second glance of the shit u're trying to put in a particular situation

people keep saying "come on girl fight for ur love. what do you have to lose anyway"

you know what I have to lose in every single second fighting for ur attention?

respect.

cut the crap.

I shouldn't trade my respect for a stupid attention.

Fly Baby Fly

pernah tak satu ketika
kau nak semua benda under your very own control?

for instance, kau akan plan betul betul bila ajak semua orang lepak
ah come on, nama pun lepak, bukannya school trip.

lagi satu, kau akan betul betul take care of everything sampai satu ketika orang nampak benda tu obvious and everyone was like "wei chill lah kenapa ni"

dalam hidup ni, kita merancang, tapi Tuhan tentukan segala-galanya.

sometimes, you just have to go with the flow and see how far life can amazes you,
either in a good or bad way, just believe in Him.

He knows the very best :)

Among the wild flowers

Orang cakap "don't let yourself care for someone too much as you will hurt that much too".

but

"If we care things, they will last".

one side only will never work if you know what I mean.

Stop asking, "kau marah aku ke" or "are you okay" or "kenapa tak tanya macam selalu?"

Now I get it, people will start asking when you stop doing.

Tragedy

Never wanted this never wanna see you hurt

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve

But people are people

and sometimes it doesn't work out

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

Mana Pergi

"why do people come and go?"

"diaorang bosan kot."

"somehow i takut pulak kalau u tinggalkan i"

"let's not giving up to each other then"

"okay, let's not giving up to each other"

tak lama lepas tu kau pun blah, apa cer?

Karma Has No Menu

Pernah tak kau dah move on.
Tapi tangan gatal pergi stalk balik kekasih lama.

And the outcome shows that he got someone to replace you.

Okay lah tu.

Dua kali tiga kali pikir bila terpandang satu gambar and it was 7 weeks ago which means you guys were still together.

And you will be like "Holyshit he cheated on me!"

Time tu nak marah pun tak guna dah.

Everything is over.

Just A Short Reminder

Each and every single person that we met

Is either fighting a disease

Losing someone that they love

Just woke up from a coma

or even trying to be strong for someone else

Your job is to be kind

To every person you met.

Fighter

To everyone out there

Yang rasa nak give up

Yang rasa dah penat sangat

Tapi still fighting for what you love

Kitty Kitty Purr Purr

Went to vet yesterday (won't mention the specific name of the clinic)

Tujuannya adalah untuk mandulkan/kasi adik manis, she seemed a bit scared haha.

Bukak je pintu klinik tu, alahai jantung berdegup dengan laju nya.

I can't breath. Kenapa vet hensem sangat?!!!!!!

Aku perhati je adik kena bedah dari luar cermin pintu.

Tipu je.

Aku perhati vet tu sebenarnya.

Teliti je kerja dia tapi bila dah sampai rumah, mak cakap :

"Amenda jahit kucing macam ni? Ingat ni jahit seluar ke apa?!!!!!!!"

Aku terpana nengok doktor tu sampai tak check langsung badan adik, my bad.

Pastu mak tanya :

"Tadi doktor cakap bila boleh kasi adik makan ubat?"

"Hmm entah."

"Ehh kamu yang bayar tadi kan."

Yer mak, yah bayar untuk nengok doktor tu je, bukan untuk ubat pun sebenarnya.

I stop telling myself that I'm lost.

I'm not.

I'm on a road with no destination

I'm just driving 

with hope that I'll find 

a place that I like 

and I'll stay there.

I'm not lost.

I'm on my way.

Fearless

Everyone craves for that one particular person that is always afraid to lose her or him.
We starve for our partner or spouse not to giving up on us.
We thirst for something that we could hold on when everything seems to fall apart.

We look upon a person that could actually take our hands and says "you're perfectly my style."
We keep on searching a human that could take all the pains away and endure the disabilities that we have in ourselves.

Have you ever crossed on your mind, why not us be that person?

Believe it or not, it is more afraid to lose ourselves lost in thought not knowing either it is right or wrong.
It is scary actually to give up upon ourselves before we give up on others.
We never knew that we could actually hold on to anything that keep the happiness exist.

Yet, we still need a person that could tell us how beautiful we are when we ourselves could actually stand in front of the mirror and say "i know myself enough that i deserve the very best."

Why would we need another person to bring away all the dismays and misery when they don't even know all the shit that actually happened in our life?

Stop asking and wishing for anyone to make you alive.
Count every blessing that you have for now and move forward.
At the end of the day, there's no one else stand for you except you yourself.

To The Beautiful Childhood

back to 8 years ago

"Asal sikit main lego."

"Jom la main basikal."

"Macam nak hujan je."

*kilat sambung-menyambung*

"eee kilat!"

*aku cepat-cepat tutup kedua-dua belah telinga*

"eeeyy jangan buat camtu!"

*dia tarik dua-dua belah tangan aku*

"kalau tutup telinga masa kilat atau guruh, nanti boleh pekak."

But he never knew despite the fear I got from the lightning and thunderstorm, I was more afraid with all the stupid butterflies that came from nowhere in the inside.

Thinking of my childhood, back in time it was really beautiful when you found such a group of kids that suit yourself at different age.

I strongly believe that childhood is a promise that is never kept.

Till this day bila teringat balik all those stupid things we did together, it does make sense till now although everyone separates in various way.

and till this day, I still have those stupid butterflies.

Mask on

Broken smiles,

Empty eyes,

Shattered hearts,

and hollow lives.

Put on your mask honey.

Prepare your lies.

They'll never see through your disguise.

Burning Red

Losing him was blue like I'd never known

Missing him was dark grey all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met

But loving him was red.

Burning Low

"I broke up with him"

"Like seriously?"

"I dumped him."

"You declared it?"

"Yes. Like I knew everything is completely over."

Basically, how do you know when it's over? Maybe when you feel more in love with memories than with the person standing in front of you now. It's like you're craving for something to be fixed while that particular person sees everything is alright. You're the only one who knows something has gone so wrong and you try to put things back to their places but then you have no idea how to deal with it because it's you, the only person that realizes everything is totally messed up. So you're going to sit there blaming yourself for the whole shit and the person asks if you're okay, you lie. You're not trying to run from the problems. You're just tired and sad. No ones understand you, at all. Everyone that told you they will be there for you no matter what turns to become a complete stabber. You have no one else now except yourself. The last choice you have is to end everything knowing both of you will get hurt. The worst part when you yourself, the only person who could feel the pain deep inside your chest but you tell no one. 

br (( ok )) en

"Med, kau kat mana?"

"Syurga"

It sounds stupid at first tapi baru sekarang aku faham kenapa amed selalu jawab macam tu.

It's like you're craving for a place that doesn't getting you hurt,
A place that is meant for serendipity,
A place that no ones can break your heart into tiny little pieces.

Simply because you're already broken.

In the end of the day everyone knew that there is no place such heaven unless if we are truly dead.
It's like you're homesick for a place that doesn't even exist, yet.

Euthanasia

Haritu aku ada tanya Madam Atifah time tutorial :

"Madam, recently I brought my kittens jumpa vet and I consult dengan dia about my cat yang sakit and dah tak boleh nak buat apa dah and he told me about euthanasia which is Harus in our religion so why we still cannot legalize it for humans?"

"You need to understand. Basically this thing is okay when it comes to animals tapi untuk manusia it is a big no-no. Haiwan bila dah mati will straight to heaven tapi manusia?"

So basically, euthanasia is the painless killing of a patient suffering from an incurable and painful disease or in an irreversible coma.

So apa yang aku faham dari explanation madam, she tried to tell me the person who is going to carry out the euthanasia for someone else is not the one who judge the person kat akhirat nanti so why would he or she be the one who in charge untuk tamatkan riwayat seseorang right?

Kangen

"Incest, surrogate, gay..apa lagi?"

"Haip jangan bias. Kau langgar rule of justice tau!"

"Dammit."

.............................................................................................................

"I taught my sons to smoke, go to club..yada yadaaa"

"Holy shit apa benda aku belajar ni"

.............................................................................................................

"30 marks means you have to use DICER for part C"

"dah banyak kali aku dengar perempuan ni bebel natang dicer tu"

"It stands for definition, issue, classification, experts say, relation kan?"

.............................................................................................................

"Gano ore nak cakap ni kes criminal? Dok pehe"

"Syasya nampok dop yang involve tu public prosecutor? Taraa automatik dia criminal case"

.............................................................................................................

"Soalan mintak define subsidiary legislative and aku just terlupa letak under section 9 of intrepretation act and dia terus kasi 0? What the.."

"What do you expect bro"

.............................................................................................................

"Aku dah lupa cana kau ajar APA & MLA, cana laaa kau boleh suka"

"I was a librarian, remember? Hehe"

.............................................................................................................

"Gi cafe nak makan apa?"

"Nasi ayam and bahagian wing ofcourse"

"Tapi bahagian wing bahaya sebab part ayam kena inject"

"Gi mampos aku lapar"

.............................................................................................................

"John suka nachos, nak nachos bawah tu"

"Sorry teah tak suka cheese. Don't talk to me about nachos"

.............................................................................................................

"Aaaa aku kan kan cuba tau aaaa aku try..."

"Amende kau merepek ni dinie"

( (  gagap  ) )

.............................................................................................................

"Aku rasa malas"

"Gi usha bilik pikah. Confirm kau insecure"

siapa tak rindu court?

the only place yang boleh settle down semua problem.

sir rosdin the legend. 

i clearly remember how he reminded us to be organized in whatever stuff we're doing.

thanks sir, you're the legend.

oh hi yeah that's me got prob?

god please next sem nak ground floor lagi simply because i hate stairs.

selain gayat.

well excuse me this picture was taken before aku pergi exam law016.

tau semak takyah kabor ke aku.

selalunya tak camni.

semak tapi lawa en en.

nota fundamental liberties.

there you go the greatest people around me.

rindu.

glad to hear next sem kelas tak tukar.

the class is suck but i kinda like it.

yeayyy it's syasya, roomate dari kelantan.

the only person yang suka remind me hantar dobi, lunch :)

-end-

Dear self

Don't just fall yet,

Pull yourself together.

Swift

Swift was inspired to write "Teardrops on My Guitar" about her experience with a boy named Drew Hardwick, a classmate of hers whom she had feelings for. Hardwick, later went on to join the Navy. During their freshman year of high school at Hendersonville High School, Swift and Hardwick sat beside each other in a class everyday. The two developed a fond friendship, although Swift secretively desired for it to become a romantic relationship. Because of Hardwick's unawareness, he would frequently speak to Swift about a girl he had feelings for, something Swift pretended to be endeared by, commenting, "How beautiful she was, how nice and smart and perfect she was. And I sat there and listened, never meaning it any of the times I said 'Oh, I'm so happy for you.' Hardwick and his love interest eventually developed a relationship which lasted for a few years. Swift never confessed her feelings to him. By the release of Taylor Swift, he remained unaware of Swift's intentions or the song and continued his relationship with the same female. Upon "Teardrops on My Guitar"'s release as a single, Hardwick attempted to contact Swift via phone calls, which Swift did not respond to; he then left voicemails, but Swift felt too awkward to call back.

- Tyler Hilton

Two years after the album's release, as she was leaving her house to attend a Nashville Predators hockey game with Kellie Pickler and Carrie Underwood, Hardwick appeared at her driveway. A car parked and, out of it, exited Hardwick and a friend of his. After two and a half years of not speaking, the two conversed: "He was like, 'Hey, how's it going?' And I'm like, 'Wow, you're late. Good to see you.' But we were civilized." Swift conjectured multiple theories as to why Hardwick appeared at her house. One of them was that he was attempting to prove to his friend that he was indeed the subject of "Teardrops on My Guitar". Other possibilities was that he wanted to amend their friendship or believed Swift was still pining away from him. Swift said it would have been poetic if he approached her upon the album's release and she would have accepted, but that she had already moved on. Swift cited "Teardrops on My Guitar" as an example of how she expresses her sentiments in songs and sometimes in no other manner. She was not afraid of using Hardwick's first name on the track and, therefore, believed it was very honest and susceptible, something she adored.

Source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teardrops_on_My_Guitar