breathe // taylor swift

"You have no idea how much I've been waiting for you, berharap pada you sampai langit ke-7.."

"Ketika hatimu terlalu berharap kepada seseorang maka Dia timpakan ke atas kamu pedihnya sebuah pengharapan, supaya kamu mengetahui bahawa Dia sangat mencemburui hati yang berharap selain Dia. Maka Dia menghalangimu dari perkara tersebut agar kamu kembali berharap kepadaNya."
- Imam Syafi'i

Do your soul a favor, turn to Allah.

Pray more

I barely remember ada baca kat mana and I'm sorry I can't recall the exact words.

Maksud dia lebih kurang if you really like that one particular person, don't tell him/her.

I was like "..then how would you expect that person to know that you really like them?"

Don't let em know.

Insyallah kalau dah sampai masa, kalau betul jodoh, He will ease everything.

Maybe betul sekarang is a phase where you develop yourself of becoming a better person in many aspects : your studies, your financial etc.

Tell Allah to save yourself for that person.

Thanks Allah for giving you another chance of falling in love with his beautiful creature.

Tell Allah to always guide you of becoming a better person as a muslim before involving that person in your life.

"In silence, I fight for your love with my dua."

Fri 1:35AM

*heavily breathing without a single sigh*

God bless me xoxo

Masa Yaya datang tidur haritu, we had a late night talk kat sofa luar bilik.

and she made me realize one thing.

I have this one habit : not telling others their mistakes.
Instead, I chose to be silent and drift away from them.

I chose to be the person yang bila kau dah macam sentap sekali, kau blah terus.
Then that person will realize the distant that you tryna create.

But still, you chose to deny everything yang kau rasa.
Yaya cakap it is not healthy.

"Teah, kau tak boleh buat macam tu. You shut that person eventually without telling their mistakes? That's not the way honey."

Really?
That's not the way?

I've been there Yaya.
I cared too much sampai satu tahap I didn't even worth an explanation from him.

So long & goodnight.

of case reading & Jalan Tar

Mon 9:17PM and I baru je habis baca satu kes.

Got few more yang kena baca before flipped class this thursday or else I'll be kicked out.

Thanks God I could manage my time really well like last week rasa macam impossible nak baca 6 cases at a time plus ada tutorial kontrak and tutorial MLS.

Tak termasuk lagi individual assignment for MLS and also kena prepare for case reading and mock trial for the group task *sigh*

But then bila rasa macam banyak sangat benda and tak tahu nak mula mana satu, I will always remind myself apa yang my mom selalu cakap, "Buat satu satu. Fokus."

and dari awal foundation sampailah dah masuk degree, I still remember apa yang Sir Rosdin cakap, "First thing first, learn how to organize yourself."

Alhamdulillah even kelas selalu penuh tapi kalau pandai curi masa sikit sikit tanpa ganggu waktu tidur, dah boleh habiskan 3 kes, and both tutorial for kontrak and MLS dah siap :D

Mula-mula time roomate ajak keluar Hari Sabtu fikir dua tiga kali juga tapi bila ingat balik dia punya niat nak belanja Boat Noodle for my birthday, I told myself "Give your mind & your body a rest."

Sebab the whole week penat and tak sampai tahap stress tapi betul betul penat plus Prof Sakinah ada pesan last week "As a law student, you're gonna use your brain a lot, like seriously. Take care of your body and jangan stress. Stress adalah punca utama ramai orang meninggal dunia."

Me, my roomate and her friend went to Berjaya Times Square and makan-makan kat Boat Noodle, tengok movie Everest but then I spent 15mins masa movie untuk tidur and bangun balik and catchup mana yang patut and the movie was sooooo heartbreaking T___T

We took train pergi Jalan Tar and picked up few stuff and makan-makan kat situ and for the first time I solat kat Masjid India.

There were a lot of people, like seriously ramai gila.

Before Maghrib kitaorang dah sampai bilik and everyone was really tired.

Me and my roomate terus mandi and kemas-kemas bilik sebab monyet masuk bilik and nope taknak story sini cause I was quite depressed of what has happened lol.

I spent my time siapkan tutorial and tidur around 11 or 12 something.

See? You don't have to sacrifice your leisure time or your weekend for the sake of siapkan sesuatu kerja.

It's not that I'm encouraging you to leave your works.

I'm telling you to organize yourself cause no ones can help you to do so.

Sometimes everything looks impossible to be done at a time.

Keep calm, organize yourself and don't stress out! :)

Lovelies, T.

of balloons & awesome people!

Hello everyone!
It has been a month since I was away, rindu tak rindu tak huhuhu.

How is UKM? Ceritalah ceritalah!
UKM is superb, just imagine you dah sampai fakulti with ur family on ur very first day, then the lecturer himself bawak kitaorang pusing satu fac and tunjuk lecture hall, moot court etc. Ain't that great?!!!! It's great to be here!

Alia Aifa, my roomate <3

She won't stop talking unless you told her to do so *sigh*

I have no idea how to describe my stay in UKM, I have everyone I need around here : Adib, Neb, Yaya, Anis, Alin & others. :)

Sooooooo people last wednesday 30th September was my birthday.
and for the first time in my life I feel blessed again & again whenever I think about it.

These people came out of nowhere right after habis taklimat pasal cana nak jawab paper law.

Before that masa taklimat, Neb marah marah ajak paksa dia pergi Bangi Gateway and I was like perempuan ni gila apa it is not the weekend nak ajak gi situ semata mata nak beli bodyshop wtf hahaha.

Then dia buat buat tukar plan cakap "Dont have to take the bus. Nanti kawan aku datang kutip kita naik kereta."

Then kitaorang tunggu luar fakulti tangkap tangkap gambar sambil makan muruku yang aku kasi kat Adib then everyone was like "eh sedapnya Adib nak lagi" lol I could see muka dia keruh yelah it was my mistake sebab bawak satu bekas je supposedly the muruku was only for him.

John, Aisyah & Ecah :)

  COMELNYA SEMUA ORANG GOD BLESS YOU GUYS AND ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU PEOPLE HAVE THE MOST SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART! <3

of colourful balloons and stupid masks, we went to Za'ba and makan makan kat situ and gelak gelak.

Catchup mana yang patut and then compare budak law UKM and UM which we shouldn't do actually haha.

<3

Thanks to John Legend sebab susah susah drive bawak dua potatoes (Aisyah & Ecah) dari UM ke UKM right after kelas. and thanks to everyone too! 

Thanks to Yaya, Anis & Alin for the pencil box that have the picture of an owl which it looks exactly like me haha  (I have no idea if it was coincidence ke apa but my pencil box dah terkoyak and nasib tak terbeli yang baru huhuhu) 

<3

Thanks to Izlyn drive dari jauh bawak anis jumpa kita and merasa naik Axia baru dia tak tanggal plastik lagi & terharu sebab drive dari jauh *shed my tears*

Izlyn yang tengah, Anis yang tudung turquoise :)

and also thanks to Mel and I'm really sorry sebab kau dah masuk UKM but kena patah balik after aku bagi tau my foundation friends datang mengejut, sumpah aku tak tahu.

But we made it, pergi dinner and kau bawak jalan-jalan kat Uptown Jalan Reko, it was such a beautiful night in my life :)

and to everyone out there, thank you for having me as your friend, your enemy (eh?), your legal advisor etc. sepanjang 19 years ni, I couldn't ask for more.

I believe all of these are just the beginning of something good, there are still a lot of great stuff will come, Insyallah.

"So kalau kau rasa down dalam study ingat apa aku pesan, bukan belajar untuk hidup tapi belajar hidup"

Will do :)

Hello September :)

11 August was such a big deal to everyone.
For those yang nak pursue their studies in degree mainly.

Students from STPM, Asasi, Matrikulasi & also Diploma would have to compete among each other since dari final exam sampailah interview session.

Alhamdulillah thanks to Allah cause he answered my doa to pursue my LLB in UKM.
Bila semua tanya : Why tak continue kat UiTM, it's the best law school kot.

It is not about to study at one particular place yang gah or on top of the world,
I believe it is all about how you're going to bring yourself and your life better towards a better learning condition.

No, I'm not saying UiTM is a bad environment to study, it is such a pleasure to spend almost a year doing my foundation.
I learnt a lot of things there but I just need to move and travel to another place and I was pretty sure with myself that my heart wished for UKM.

I could literally feel the challenging atmosphere masa interview haritu sebab mostly ramai chinese and indian, ain't that supposed to be a good thing? :)
Even in Islam, kita digalakkan not to stay at one particular place, we have to move around or berhijrah.

I believe that's how life has taught me, to meet a lot of people, to make friends with them.
From Lenggong to KL and next was Shah Alam and this time it's going to be Bangi, so hello Bangi people :)
Let's leave this here and move on to the next issue.

The thing is, for those yang tak dapat UPU/dapat tapi bukan first choice/dapat tapi jauh/dapat & ada financial crisis :

Put your hands together and pray to Allah. Tell him how sad you are but you still redha dengan apa yang dia dah tetapkan. Tell him to make you feel more stronger so that you could face this. Tell him to make you feel at peace so that you could think wiser of taking the next steps. Tell him everything that you ever wished for. After all, kat siapa lagi kita nak mengadu?

Those yang dah appeal, please be mindful of yourself.
Allah won't put you in devastated condition just because He likes it, He knew what He's currently planning. Thus, tawakkal lepas berusaha.

and to those juniors yang tengah study either in foundation, matriks etc,
Please jangan banyak main and strive your very best not only masa waktu exam, but also strive dalam menjaga hubungan dengan Allah, jaga hubungan dengan manusia : Habbluminallah Habluminannas.

Bila rasa nak give up dengan belajar or stress out, ingat balik tempat mengadu kita.
Busy macam mana pun dengan kelas cause I am fully aware dengan jadual foundation yang extremely packed, but please ingat like my mom always said "Solat jangan tinggal"

Dalam kelas, manners jaga, either dengan lecturers, classmates, makcik cleaner, guard etc.
Don't fool yourself telling others to respect you just because you're a law student when you're doing otherwise, that's not the way honey.

Thus, please, I ingat lagi Madam Atifah selalu pesan : "Biarlah saya mengajar orang bodoh tak reti baca yang buta tuli asalkan dia ada manners"

Goodluck everyone and congratulations :)

Self Confessed Dream Junkie

I have no idea on how many times did I cry whenever bangun dari tidur.
It's like there is this one time you decide nak tidur awal sebab taknak stay up late so that you won't be overthinking about stuff or ended up talking to strangers on Omegle - omg that is so Teah.

Tapi bila dah mula tidur awal and have a good sleep pattern, you will start to have a couple of dreams that looks so real like if there's this one person tryna hold your hands or touch you, you still can feel their gestures and soft touches bila bangun.

I told my mom "Yah ada mimpi pasal crime scene. There's this one van yang bawak mayat and all of sudden when they open the door, tiba tiba the body gone missing."
and she replied me with this : Kalau dah pagi petang siang malam tengok foxcrime, mana taknya mimpi macam tu.

Oh k.

Then ada this one dream pasal our previous prime minister and I asked my mom "Kali ni apa pulak maksud dia? Don't tell me about cabinets and parliaments cause clearly tak pernah pergi sana pun."

and this one dream where I ran all over a house because ada this one culprit tryna catches me and kat tangan dia ada gun.
Right before dia tarik picu where he already pointed the gun towards my face, I terus bangun lol.

K enough those dreams are acceptable sebab tak bagi effect pun on my daily routines.
But lately I constantly have a lot of dreams about this one person and I don't seem to like it at all.

The thing is whenever I have the dream of this particular person, the next day when I wake up I will feel my heart aches and bleeding in a way I can't explain.
I would definitely start to look at things and merenung till some points my mom akan tanya "Kenapa ni?"

This time I won't tell her because I promise myself I won't mention about the person anymore.
But you know it is such a pain to keep it all to yourself and sometimes you feel so scared to fall asleep.

I did some readings on dreams and their meanings.
Some of the articles state the same things :

"Maybe you're not happy right now. Thus, your subconscious of mind trying to bring you back all those good memories with the person you loved the most."

Whenever I read this line again and again, I feel the pain in my chest like omg teruk sangat ke aku layan diri aku? Since when I didn't pay much attention to my body?

"Maybe you're denying a lot of stuff lately. Thus, all those unspoken words that your mind have when you are fully awake is actually trying to let it all out in your dreams."

This is so true but it's not I am denying stuff or any kind of feelings or situations.
I just want to be more stronger and mature by not paying attention to any stupid feelings.

"Maybe you have a lot of questions to ask that person. Things might not be settled in a good way back then."

Maybe but lemme repeat : I don't want those kind of questions or uncertainties or memories because I don't care anymore. 

I might be broken for now but thanks God I always ended up having peace on my prayer mat and telling Him all of this bila taknak bagi tau my mom.

My friend once told me "Whenever you find yourself questioning on certain things that happened but you don't really wanna know the answers, pray to Him to let you be stronger in facing the realities. Tell Him the pain you have endured, don't be embarrassing to cry whenever you can."

Random Fiction

pg 158-159

After an hour the wind dies down,
so the kite-flying part of our day is over.

I pull out my phone and check the clock,
My stomach's telling me it's time to eat something.

I quickly reply to a text from Madison,
then I'm back to wondering what comes next with Cade.

"Heads, sushi," I say.
"Tails, Chinese."

"Well, it better be tails because I don't do sushi."

"You don't do sushi? Christ, kill me now!"

I pick up a small stick and pretend to stab it into my chest,
and drop to the sand on my back.

I lie there with my eyes closed.

Warm breath on my neck,
Soft shiver down my spine.

Sweet words whispered in my ear,
"But with you, I might try anything."

- Lisa Schroeder, The Day Before

of Green Fingers & Ulangtahun

Roses are red, 

Violets are blue.

Sunflowers are yellow.

I bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts :D

So the day I went to UKM for my interview, I beli biji benih bunga matahari kat Tesco Kajang.

I have no idea what I was thinking like OMG Teah nak menanam seriously?

Maybe this plant could remark the biggest day of my life like Hey it's my babysteps to enter the next level of legal field so why not if I spend my money on sunflower seeds? :D

Happy two months baby!

I asked my mom "Kenapa tak keluar bunga lagi? Dah dua bulan ni"

and then she came out with this "Kena banyak bersabar. Eh tengok ni dah keluar pucuk dia, ha tak lama lagi ada lah bunga nya. Besar tau bunga dia nanti"

Hey little tiny creature, keluar lah cepat :(

My mom pesan tanam pokok ni memang kena banyak bersabar.

Sometimes you plant something and you don't expect it to grow as fast as you were expecting cause it could actually die due to some circumstances.

Macam tu jugak dengan hidup.

Kita ni plan memacam tapi esok belum tentu lagi kita ni hidup atau tak.

Deep jugak tanam tanam pokok ni like it gives us the meaning of life to have some patience in doing something :)

My mom ada tanam satu pokok ni bila mana asal orang datang rumah they will keep saying :

"Eh cantiknya pokok ni. Ni bukan ke pokok yang selalu orang cina tanam?" or 

"Nanti kalau ada benih, saya nak boleh? Cantiknya" or

"Haritu saya ada tanam tapi tak rasi, this time nak ambik anak pokok terus boleh?"

Pokok burung :)

Actually anak benih pokok ni was given by Ma, the chinese neighbor selang satu rumah.

She told my mom not everyone boleh bela pokok ni since dia perlukan keserasian dengan owner dia, ikut kepercayaan dia lah.

See, bentuk burung? That's why orang panggil pokok burung :)

While my mom tengah gembur gembur tanah nak letak baja tahi ayam kat Encik Bunga Matahari and other pokok, I helped her cari biji benih.

Usually biji benih ni ada kat pokok burung tu sendiri so you just find the one yang dah a little bit rotten and kering pastu tanam balik kat dalam pasu dia.

Like this one tak rotten lagi so biarkan.

Ha this one dah garing so boleh ambik and tanam balik dalam pasu but first you have to break it apart sebab dalam biji ni ada lagi 3 anak benih.

Nak jaga pokok burung is really complicated, my mom la yang cakap.

Kena selalu bagi attention like belek belek and kena letak kat tempat teduh.

But it's really worth kot sebab impressive to have a plant that actually imitate another creature which is a bird :)

This is my mom's another plant, pokok balung ayam. Eh yeke eja watevah.

Awak yang duduk dalam pasu aloe vera kita tengah buat apa tuuu!