It's like there is this one time you decide nak tidur awal sebab taknak stay up late so that you won't be overthinking about stuff or ended up talking to strangers on Omegle - omg that is so Teah.
Tapi bila dah mula tidur awal and have a good sleep pattern, you will start to have a couple of dreams that looks so real like if there's this one person tryna hold your hands or touch you, you still can feel their gestures and soft touches bila bangun.
I told my mom "Yah ada mimpi pasal crime scene. There's this one van yang bawak mayat and all of sudden when they open the door, tiba tiba the body gone missing."
and she replied me with this : Kalau dah pagi petang siang malam tengok foxcrime, mana taknya mimpi macam tu.
Oh k.
Then ada this one dream pasal our previous prime minister and I asked my mom "Kali ni apa pulak maksud dia? Don't tell me about cabinets and parliaments cause clearly tak pernah pergi sana pun."
and this one dream where I ran all over a house because ada this one culprit tryna catches me and kat tangan dia ada gun.
Right before dia tarik picu where he already pointed the gun towards my face, I terus bangun lol.
K enough those dreams are acceptable sebab tak bagi effect pun on my daily routines.
But lately I constantly have a lot of dreams about this one person and I don't seem to like it at all.
The thing is whenever I have the dream of this particular person, the next day when I wake up I will feel my heart aches and bleeding in a way I can't explain.
I would definitely start to look at things and merenung till some points my mom akan tanya "Kenapa ni?"
This time I won't tell her because I promise myself I won't mention about the person anymore.
But you know it is such a pain to keep it all to yourself and sometimes you feel so scared to fall asleep.
I did some readings on dreams and their meanings.
Some of the articles state the same things :
"Maybe you're not happy right now. Thus, your subconscious of mind trying to bring you back all those good memories with the person you loved the most."Whenever I read this line again and again, I feel the pain in my chest like omg teruk sangat ke aku layan diri aku? Since when I didn't pay much attention to my body?
"Maybe you're denying a lot of stuff lately. Thus, all those unspoken words that your mind have when you are fully awake is actually trying to let it all out in your dreams."This is so true but it's not I am denying stuff or any kind of feelings or situations.
I just want to be more stronger and mature by not paying attention to any stupid feelings.
"Maybe you have a lot of questions to ask that person. Things might not be settled in a good way back then."Maybe but lemme repeat : I don't want those kind of questions or uncertainties or memories because I don't care anymore.
I might be broken for now but thanks God I always ended up having peace on my prayer mat and telling Him all of this bila taknak bagi tau my mom.
My friend once told me "Whenever you find yourself questioning on certain things that happened but you don't really wanna know the answers, pray to Him to let you be stronger in facing the realities. Tell Him the pain you have endured, don't be embarrassing to cry whenever you can."
