Almond London Rangup

A couple of days before balik Felda for hari Raya haritu, I ada buat almond london.
Mula-mula macam takut sikit sebab bakery right, bukannya memasak.
Kalau memasak kat dapur tu kurang masin sikit boleh je letak geram kalau kurang manis tambah gula.

Ni kalau kuih or biskut or dough tak jadi, get ready kena bebel dengan my mom.
Ayat dia tak lain tak bukan : Mak cakap dah. Buat kuih ni susah.
Kakak kena bebel haritu sebab dough untuk sarang semut dia jadi berketul and I have no idea how to help sebab takda skill bakery.

Tapi gigihkan jugak hati ni buat almond london.
My mom cakap jangan takut kalau nak start new recipe, pasang niat nak kasi orang makan and paling penting masak and time buat tu kena ada kasih sayang aw haha.
My sister helped me with the ayak ayak tepung and gula, the rest I buat sendiri sampai 2 pagi.
While everyone else semua dah tidur.

My biggest gratitude goes to this one blogger lah sebab sudi share recipe. (http://ruhayurazali.blogspot.com)
Dia pun dapat recipe tu dari blogger lain but whatever still nak cakap thank you so much :)

So here we go with the recipe as requested by someone.

Bahan (150 biji)
250g mentega
125g gula halus
1 biji telur
1 sudu teh esen vanila
50g serbuk badam (optional)
200g kacang badam,digoreng tanpa minyak
50g badam cincang untuk hiasan
+/- 700g cokelat compound

Bahan Ayak
200g tepung jagung
300g tepung gandum
1 sudu besar tepung beras
1 sudu teh baking powder

Cara

1. Pukul mentega dan gula sehingga kembang. Masukkan esen vanila dan pukul lagi.
2. Masukkan serbuk badam & kacau.
3. Masukkan tepung yang telah diayak tadi & gaul rata.
4. Bentukkan doh bulat-bulat kecil/lonjong dan masukkan kacang di dalamnya.
5. Letakkan di atas dulang pembakar yang telah dilenserkan sedikit mentega.
6. Bakar pada suhu 200'C selama 18 minit.
7. Cairkan coklat dengan kaedah doubel-boiler. Celupkan biskut tadi dan letak dalam kertas cawan. Taburkan badam cincang di atasnya. Biarkan ia kering. Siap disimpan.

p/s :

• Since I tak makan kacang badam/almond, I prefer blend kacang badam tu and campur sekali dengan tepung so that nanti dah masak tak terasa sangat rasa almond tu.
• Tepung beras tu rahsia nak kasi biskut almond london jadi rangup so don't hesitate to include it in your cooking :)
• If rasa susah time nak celupkan dough dalam coklat masak, my mom ada cara. She asked me to boil the water in rice cooker and letak coklat masak tu dalam periuk lain and letak periuk tu dalam rice cooker. More handy and comfortable cause you have the choice nak letak kat mana rice cooker tu. Kalau masak atas dapur, nanti mula lah lenguh sebab kena berdiri. Nak celup bukannya sejam dua :)
• Nak tau dough tu masak ke tak, masa bawak keluar dari oven, check punggung dough tu. If dah warna kuning, masak lah tu. If hitam or coklat, hangit namanya haha so better kurangkan masa untuk oven :)

Kakak will be like "Ya Allah bosannya kau buat dough, Tak bosan ke?"

I have this one habit of consistency where I'll be doing one job and even benda tu macam nampak bosan sebab golek golek buat dough macam play-doh tu, tapi time camni lah boleh fikir banyak benda like "Ish ni kalau my future kids nak makan almond london senang la after this" lol

Minions of dough in the oven for almost 18 minutes.

Minions of dough yang dah dimasak and a closer look of the shape.

Comelnya awak ni!!! Gebu pulak tu!!

Lepas dah kena celup tu biar dia keras dulu, jangan terus letak dalam bekas kedap udara.

 There you go :)

My paksu ada request nak satu balang dalam 50 biji right after I posted this picture on our family's group on whatsapp but then I cakap tak boleh sebab dah tak sempat but I'm so happy you know like everyone yang makan semua will be like "OMG DAPNYE" Yay!

Goodluck everyone :)

@>

awak awak awak & awak yang kat sana tu.
lemme tell you one thing : it's okay not to be okay.

Don't be scared to find yourself lost not knowing your real state of mind.
It's okay to be tangled up with thoughts and twisted fear.

Soon enough you will be okay, just like how you used to tell other people around you.

Don't blame yourself with all the choices you made.
It is just the matter of time to turn everything okay, you just have to bear it in your mind.

In the end everything will be okay, if it's not okay then it's not the end.

I've been a multiple of times in those conditions and I really know how does it makes you feel.
Worthless, dysfunctional and scared.

Time will pass by and soon you will be you again :)

More Like Her //

Seriously I have no idea orang lain punya life goals macam mana.

Rumah besar ke, kahwin dengan orang kaya ke apa ke.

Sometimes you don't easily set one particular goal without knowing the real strategy or path.

Setengah orang set diaorang punya goals based on experiences, references.

But for me, I have this one particular person that I always look up to.

Both of her parents kenal my family, like dia punya parents are my parents' good friends.

Her mom pulak English teacher kat sekolah menengah back when I was in form 3.

I panggil mak dia Teacher Habibah / Teacher Bibah.

Dia lembut sangat bila mengajar, very keibuan and tak pernah marah anak murid dia.

and dia selalu story pasal life dia like how she met her husband and pasal anak-anak dia including this one daughter yang dulu study kat STF.

After balik sekolah I selalu story balik kat my parents and kakak I ada cakap "Oh tak ingat ke, She used to be your good senior time sekolah agama dulu."

Seriously I don't remember her at all.

When I told Teacher Bibah I'm going to pursue law, she wasn't like everyone else yang cakap "Takda course lain ke" or "Susah tu banyak menghafal".

She said this to me : Go for it Fatihah. I know you can do it. I always believe in you. Have faith.

and dia bukak cerita pasal anak dia yang ni yang pursue law and right now tengah degree kat UM.

I had a zero knowledge pasal course ni and Alhamdulillah time orang pertikaikan my decision, Allah datangkan this one person to help me to get through the day.

Right before masuk foundation for the second semester kat UiTM, her mom sent me buku-buku anak dia since dah tak pakai.

I was like "Thank you so much." and speechless nak cakap apa other than berterima kasih bebanyak.

I have this one feeling when a senior rela kasi pinjam buku like barakah or something and maybe dah terbiasa sebab kat SESERI dulu pun those yang graduated mesti kasi pinjam buku kat juniors.

Till this day, whenever my parents jumpa parents dia or when I meet her parents, they always trying to catch up with my life just to make sure I'm in the right track.

and gambar kat atas tu macam best gila tau right before graduate dapat buat attachment and her mom cakap right now dia bahagian criminals kat Ibu Pejabat Polis Daerah Ipoh, I'm crying T_T

Thumbprints, post mortem, autopsy and everything yang related dengan crime scene, a lawyer must know it really well and I have no chill for this, cepatlah sambung study diri ini uhukz.

Goodluck Kak Mimi, I know you can make through all of this, dear future lawyer :)

Beautiful Syawal :)

Tahun ni punya raya my mom cakap nak balik beraya kat Felda since abang takda kat rumah.

If tak nanti terasa tau abang takda kat rumah time raya raya :(

Raya hari Jumaat so we decided to go back Felda as soon as we could sebab nak prepare awal plus opah cakap dia nak balik rumah dia sebab nak masak untuk anak-anak dia.

So we decided balik hari Rabu malam tu after berbuka.

Cuba teka siapa ikut kitaorang balik kampung? 

Apa? Jalak? Rembo?

Takkk. Adik ikut okay!

Dia baik je duduk dalam kereta.

Before this selalu je bawak dia naik kereta gi Kuala Kangsar untuk vaccine and stuff.

Dia banyak bunyi sangat and selalu jalan kedepan belakang kedepan belakang.

Last-last duduk between me and kakak with her butt on my palm zzzz.

One day before Raya

Tolong-tolong mak and makngah buat rendang and kuah laksa.

Tak lama lepas tu makyang pun sampai dengan family dia.

Maka bisinglah rumah dengan budak-budak yang tak berapa nak cerdik lagi running around the house main aci nyorok apa benda tah sampailah Aki tempik "Tak habis habis main tak puasa ke?!"

Pagi Raya

Bangun dalam 5.15am sebab terdengar Makngah jerit cakap "BANGUN WOI SAHUR".

I was like eh bukan dah habis ke puasa lol mamai.

Terus bangun and tolong mak and makngah prepare for nasi tomato.

Lauk dia macam baisa ayam masak merah and jelatah.

Dalam pukul 8 pagi macam tu abang cakap nak skype dengan the whole family.

For the first 15minutes mak okay lagi and tak lama lepas tu dah mula berambu air mata hahaha.

Abang tak habis habis cakap "takpa next year Insyallah raya sekali. Ijai tak raya lagi harini. Esok baru raya."

Semua orang excited nak tengok muka dia kat skype tambah tambah Makngah and Makyang siap tanya kat wife abang "Takda isi lagi ke?" Lol tak menyempat.

Lepas tu semua get ready nak sembahyang raya and stuff.

Tangkap-tangkap gambar and guess what this year semua orang decide nak cut the cost for raya so kitaorang pun decide pakai baju kenduri abang haritu sebab nak seragam :)

Family belah my mom tak ramai sangat tapi sihat sihat belaka :P

Semua pergi kubur after sembahyang raya visit kubur arwah Nenek, adik my mom and bestfriend Nenek.

Aki datang lambat sikit and masa kitaorang dah nak balik nampak dia tengah menangis tepi kubur Nenek, sumpah sayu je.

I was thinking besarnya cinta Aki kat Nenek even Aki dah kahwin lain and I really want stuff like that.

Lepas tu balik rumah minum minum and pergi beraya.

We decided pergi beraya rumah paling dekat sekali which is rumah Cik Nah followed by rumah Cik Cah.

Both rumah ni bestfriend arwah Nenek and suka nya bila diaorang peluk my mom and adik beradik dia sebab mostly muka my mom yang betul betul macam arwah Nenek.

After Zohor terus gerak pergi rumah Opah kat Sungai Taka, Kedah.

Sampai sampai je I terus cari baby yang datang a night before.

Barely to remember his name, Qalif something

A night before Opah datang rumah dengan anak perempuan dia yang ada baby.

I was about to perform my Isyak's prayer when Iman cakap "Kakayah ada baby kat luar."

I terus keluar and my mom terus kasi babi dia kat I and I was like omg nak ke dia hahaha.

Then dia duduk sneyap je atas riba and all my little cousins ; Iman, Awish, Afif and Mamat surround my and the little tiny baby.

Diaorang adore sangat kat dia, me too me too T_T

The best part bila dia dah kerut kerut kening and I was like "Iman pergi ambik susu kat mama dia!"

Iman lari laju gila gi ambik botol and baby tu habiskan susu tu dalam 5 minit macam tu, laju gila.

I bet he was really hungry tho.

Okay stop that was the story night before raya, now back to our first day for raya :)

Lepas dah lunch rumah Opah, Opah panggil "Deqyah jom tengok rumah adik Opah dia ada ke tak."

Kitaorang merempit naik motor and bila dah sampai Opah cakap "Okay diaorang ada. Deqyah pi balik bawak motor ni habaq kat mak mai datang sini."

I was like Aku? Merempit? Sorang? Kat kampung orang? Ingat ke jalan?

Alhamdulillah bila dah sampai rumah Opah semua tanya "Woi kamu tinggal Opah tengah jalan ke?" T_T

Terus gerak eprgi rumaha dik Opah and semua terpegun.

Bukan lawanya rumah ke apa tapi surrounding dia.

Rumah dia kecik je macam homestay gitu tapi depan tu ada kebun pisang something then belakang tu ada pondok besar and belakang pondok ada bendang.

Berangin je bila kitaorang duduk situ, and mula lah berangan nak rumah tepi sawah ala ala cerita Nur Kasih gitu ewah!

Sejam lepas tu terus pergi rumah kawan ayah area situ nama dia Cik Peah.

Then my mom suruh tuang air and lantai rumah dia tak rata and air tumpah and Uda I terus jerit "Eh Kak Peah Peah Peah".

Semua gelak cause it sounds so sarcastic sebab sebut banyak kali and pangkal dia 'Kak' pulak tu lol.

There you go our first day raya pergi 5 buah rumah :)

Our second day of Raya :)

Second day pun not that bad tapi Makyang dah balik Padang Sanai, Kedah kampung belah husband dia so sunyi lah sikit hmm.

Semua gambar dah takda my cousins yang lain just me, kakak, Iman and her mom.

The whole family including Aki, Opah, Yuyu, Uda, my parents semua pergi rumah pengasuh Iman.

Acah je "Alhamdulillah dapat beraya dengan anak tahun ni. Hak penjagaan anak jatuh ke atas saya sorry Mr Husband lol"

"Kakayah tolong lah Iman betulkan tudung ni dah keluar anak rambut."

"Boleh tak kakayah nak share aiskirm dengan Iman?"

"Boleh boleh.

Then pergi rumah Pak Din Pangkor, husband arwah bestfriend Nenek.

Kemain anak dia tanya nak makan lemang dengan durian and santan ke tidak.

Lejen tak lejen rumah dia weh hidnag durian and brownies.

Then pergi rumah Cik Lina, bestfriend arwah Nenek juga.

Time kitaorang sampai Cik Lina tengah baru nak tepuk tepuk bantal nak take a nap tengah-tengah rumah tu pastu Uda jerit dari luar "Cik Lina oiii buat apa tuuu"

Tak senang orang tua tu nak tidur hahaha.

Then balik rumah and abang hantar gambar first day raya dengan wife dia.

Diaorang masak pagi pagi right after balik dari hospital.

.

See diaorang pun decide nak jimat kos untuk tidak membeli baju raya pada tahun ini so diaorang pun renew baju bersanding time kenduri kat Terengganu omg my family ni cost effective betul, ko hado?

Malam tu kitaorang penat sangat so Opah and Mak masak simple simple je tapi sedap.

Nasi putih, sambal tempoyak and ayam goreng berempah.

The best part bila dah habsi makan and tengok tv and nak tidur, I went to the kitchen and angkat tudung saji and then Yuyu tanya "Ha ko cari ayam goreng eh? Paksu dah makan. Bye".

Patah seribu dengar ayat tu and yes I was looking for the chicken and tak tahu pulak ada orang lain yang tunggu ayam tu juga lol so end up habiskan cucur jagung.

Not to forget our Adik Manis yang sangat behave :)

Time sampai mula mula dia mabuk and taknak berak, makan, minum, tidur.

Awal pagi tu Opah cakap "Masa Opah bangun terkejut Opah tengok dia berdiri tegak dalam sangkar".

Tak lama lepas tu Aki cari air kelapa and dia dah okay.

The best part bila Awish pujuk Adik cani ayat dia "Adik makanla adik. Sedap tuuu adik. Adik makanlaa adik."

Comelnya awak ni Awish T_T

Our third Raya :)

Hari ketiga raya pun not bad after breakfast terus gerak pergi rumah Makngah kat Kubu Gajah and masak masak soto and then makan.

Abah bawak Opah and Aki pergi pekan Selama beli rempah ayam goreng yang Opah guna time masak ayam goreng.

Yuyu cerita "Pak Jamil ambik semua rempah atas rak tu Kak Emah oiii".

Memang sedap pun rempah tu dia cam tepung then siap ada instruction suruh letak sebiji telur before goreng ayam tu.

Plus dia tak berminyak sangat and sedap sangat rasa cam uncle bob that's why boleh berebut dengan Paksu a night before lol.

Thanks Allah for this beautiful family.

I have no idea kalau family orang lain mewah macam mana but I think the true happiness of a family lagi lagi family yang besar macam ni bila everyone clearly knows their responsibilities and always be there bila one of us ada problem.

All the laughs, tears and forgiveness that we shared will surely be remembered through out this generation, Insyallah.

The Longest Ride

*wipe my tears*
*kesat hingus sikit*

The Longest Ride is such a beautiful story.
I don't have time to make a review for this movie cause I need to go to bed quickly.

But I'm fully aware what I'm about to write : the messages of the author to all people out there.

We knew life is not easy, and so is love.
Being in love is a part of our lives and having the circumstances behind it are just another story.

When Sophia fell in love with Luke, she knew her life was going to change.
They came from two different worlds : Sophia with her art enthusiasm and Luke who passionately risking his life in bull-riding.

"I tried to fit in your world of bull-riding but why can't u do the same thing to fit in my world?"
Luke was trying to make art as a joke in front of Sophia's boss and that wasn't supposed to happen.

When Sophia knew she couldn't do this anymore for their relationships, she walked away.
She walked away to figure things out.

Their love story was actually quite similar to an elderly couple named Ira and Ruth.
Sophia tried to look in every angles she could when Ira told her about his love story.

"Love requires sacrifice. The moment you know it's going to be worth, you have to work for it. For me and Ruth, we celebrated every moments that we have and not regretting something we didn't have the chance."

After WW2, Ira had an injury which left him with reproduction problems.
Ruth and him didn't have any children due to Ira's condition while it was Ruth's biggest dream to have a big family but they managed to cope with understanding.

Sophia lost his only opportunity to work with a firm that belonged to her world of art because of Luke.
She had a phone call coming from the hospital telling her Luke was injured on the day she was supposed to go to New York for a huge exhibition.

"How can I be with someone that I don't even know if I could actually see him again everytime he walks out the door? I chose you over my future carrier, why can't you do the same damn thing for the sake of our relationship?"

During Luke's final show, he scored the highest mark but he realized it didn't mean anything to him.
"The girl could be the rest of your life".
He remembered those words uttered by her mother.

From that moment, he knew when Sophia had done everything and left behind her only opportunity just to be with him, he realized he also should be able to make a change by sacrificing his passion in bull-riding and started something knew with Sophia.

"The only thing I do know for sure is that we both want to, we'll find a way to make it work". (The Longest Ride, 2015)

The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendship don't last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness' sake.

Love is something different. It is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind. Love is deliberate. It is hard to be achieved as people yearn for it, live for it and die for it. It is all about pain and sacrifice and seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump the ship.

"Jung"

"There's a Korean word my grandma taught me. It's called Jung. It's the connection between two people that cannot be severed even when love turns to hate. You still have those feeling for them, you cannot ever completely shake them loose of you. You will always have tenderness in your heart for them." (To All The Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han)

I strongly believe that Jung could be defined in many forms in our daily life.
It should not always be considered only as love as it may and probably can be seen through compassionate, sympathy, affection and also attachment.

Basically, love is only best defines as a combination of emotions like anger, sadness, happiness and fear and it is more than liking someone.
It is often hard to measure as people yearn for it, live for it and die for it.
That's what I was been told in one of my lecture class of psychology.

As for Jung, it can been seen variously as it is a connection that builds up between a person and another person, or a person with an animal or maybe a person with an object that they fond of even after they fight with each other, break up or didn't talk for a long time.

I believe the difference between love and Jung is that love is scary as it changes and go away.
As for Jung, people don't realize the connection they have with someone even after things have fallen apart between them.

Daily Routine

I have no idea lepas bangun exactly pukul 5.30pm petang tadi.
I was like "WHAAAAT".

Selalunya tidur after subuh and maybe bangun dalam 1.40pm camtu for zohor.
But petang tadi terus on phone and banyak gila whatsapp misscall.

Bila kau dah lama tidur and bangun-bangun, mesti lost.
Terus aku call syahmi and dia cakap "Masyaallah Teah zohor kau mana"

Check notifications semua and adib ada sent something pasal Zahra's speech and I was like "Dib aku baru bangun". All he gotta say to me was "Baguslah".

T_T

Basically after habis foundation, I'm a full time cat lady.
JK.

Tidur after subuh and time zohor baru bangun.
Terus kemas katil mandi semua and solat.

After asar mesti sharp ada kat dapur and prepare for berbuka.
Tepat 5.30pm mesti dah prepare bahan for muruku.

Then 7.00pm camtu dah boleh start prepare meja for berbuka.
Time tu lah nak dengar aku membebel :

"BUKU MEMANDU SIAPA NI AMBIK CEPAT KALAU TAK AKU BAKAR."
"ROKOK DAUN NI KALAU BOLEH REBUS BUAT SUP DAH LAMA REBUS."

I'm fully aware all of my traits turun daripada mak.
Kuat membebel, consistent buat kerja rumah, and paling penting seorang yang penyayang wah wah over je kau senah.

Then right after berbuka terus kemas meja and solat maghrib and get ready untuk menggoreng muruku.
My mom menggoreng and I'm her assistant untuk menguli tepung and tabur daun kari (not an easy job tho tangan hakak ni dah sado uli tepung hari hari) while my sister in her department untuk packaging.

Thanks to my auntie, without her secret recipe I don't think I'll be able to achieve this stage even some people order last minute, sabor je la.

Selalunya siap menggoreng dalam 9.40pm camtu and terus mop lantai dapur and mandi and Isyak.
Before 10 kena ada depan tv dah sebab CSI start 10.05pm.

So yeah that's my daily routine so far, maybe bosan eventhough banyak kerja kot.
But I'm happy at least masa masa macam ni boleh spend time dengan my mom.

At some point time dia tengah menggoreng, I'll tell her this "Momy. Yah sedih. Kenapa yah sedih sangat ni?"
and she will be like "Sabar lah okay? Meh kiss sikit pipi tu tak kiss lagi harini".

At this point I'm happy to share all my thoughts and opinions with her.
I don't care how other people choose their listeners but as for me, my mom is the best companion I ever had.

of Bully

Got so much things to write on like SO MANY THINGS and I don't even know where to start.
But first, lemme summarize tonight's episode of CSI Miami : Stoned Cold.

A senior year student named Blaire was been stoned to death one night right after a party organized by her bff.

The blonde girl was the victim and next to her was her bff.

After her death.

There were a few suspects involved and all of them were among her own's bully victims.

Basically, this episode clearly wanna tell the public how karma strikes back like a bitch.

I don't wanna talk about the ending.

Seriously, bully isn't something that should be proud of.

If you're the one who bully other people, you're actually cause 2 kinds of people to be traumatized : The victim and also the persons who witness the bully.

The victim will suffer either physical or mental disease or both at the same time.

This happens when you irritate them by name calling, labelling and also physical harm.

As for the witness of the scene, they will feel helpless and thinking they are the next person who will be targeted.

In this episode, I don't agree when Horatio tried to talk to Blaire's mom.

"Hell no. Blaire is a good person. Everyone respects and very fond of her. She won't do such things."

Seriously ma'am. In your children's matter, you don't want to be biased.

Of course as a parent, not only in bully cases, you gotta see both sides of what has happened and not only protect your children.

Bully involves more than one student and this means it also involves more than one parent.

Karma hit Blaire like a truck.

It wasn't the victim of her bully that killed her.

But their parents.

Believing

"Kadang - kadang ada masa like kau dah jaga betul - betul something that is so precious to you. For example, hati dan perasaan seseorang. Tanpa sedar kau dah merobek, menyiat & meranapkan his or her feelings. It's pretty tired nak jaga perasaan semua orang but we got no choice right other than mintak maaf? That's the rule. After buat salah, minta maaf."

Retrieved from http://bukuceritaanis.blogspot.com

Sometimes, tanpa sedar kita rasa kita dah buat yang terbaik and bila it doesn't work out like how it supposed to be, pernah tak kita macam "OMG WTF DOH I DID MY BEST".

Kita lupa.
Kita dah macam go beyond and persoalkan qada' qadar Allah.

For these past few years, there were a lot of things happened.
And I believe in what Anis wrote in her blog, "Tuhan yang tentukan jalan hidup kita so whatever kind of shit that happens, adalah sebabnya cause Dia maha Mengetahui".

Whatever it is, either in your studies or relationships,
Don't blame anyone.

Don't blame yourself, your groupmate, your friends that always tryna keep you mad when you're studying.
Don't blame any kind of bad vibes that tryna put you down.

Believe me, at some point you will realize those stuff were the one who held you up all this time.
Believe in Him, believe in His' plans.