In Case //

In case you don't find what you're looking for

In case you're missing what you had before

In case you change your mind, I'll be waiting here

In case you just want to come home

Strong enough to leave you

But weak enough to need you

Cared enough to let you walk away

I took that dirty jacket sweater

From the trash right where you left it

Cause I couldn't stand to see it go to waste

of 2nd semester & Ed Sheeran's sticker

Say hello to my second semester in UKM law school :D

It was just the first week tapi bila tengok balik schedule for the whole semester *pengsan*

Notifications kat ifolio takyah cakap lah, penuh.

and then jadual pun dari taknak kelas pukul 8 pagi terus ada ya tohann.

So yeah kelas arab at 8 every Tuesday & Thursday.

I asked few seniors macam mana nak score arab since I memang takda basic dalam arab.

Their advices were kena score masa test, datang je kelas etc and it shouldn't be hard, kata mereka.

and last Thursday I pergi kelas awal sebab masa I turun kat bustop terus ada bas so I had like 45 minutes before Contracts class got started.

I went to PUU nak habiskan my reading on a case that should be presented on Telegram.

and then tiba-tiba Izlyn called and cakap "Teah kat mana? I'm in front of your faculty"

I was like omg sumpah terlupa I should gave her a call right after practice a night before.

Yes, I've got mock trial practices every freaking night.

So I just got time to do all homework and discussions during the day and case reading before tidur.

Back to Izlyn, I terus cari dia and peluk etc and she claimed she would like to attend my Contract class lol I said sure (at first I macam argue sikit sebab that lecturer sangat strict and I takut dia perasan a student that should be in her class)

So masa kelas tu, tiba tiba Prof taknak start lecture, she would like to do a post-mortem based on our final results last semester.

I was like "crap crap crap matilah nak seriouslah ada budak dari law school lain kot in this class and we're going to talk about the performance of this faculty? nooo"

Tapi sampai habis kelas prof tak perasan and I was like Alhamdulillah ya Allah sumpah aku kena expel kalau prof tau aku bawak masuk budak lain dalam kelas haha.

Dah habis kelas I asked her how was it and all she was saying "All in BM and booomm wtf is mengecewakan undang-undang like seriously" hahahaha!

Thank you Izlyn for coming, I really appreciate your presence in our faculty :)

Now we proceed to the next story which was happening last evening.

My dad cakap nak pergi buat visa kat Ipoh so I went back home on Thursday's night.

Pagi Jumaat tu I memang dah ready nak habis baca kes that should be presented on that evening between 4pm until 5pm.

We went to Ipoh around 11 and settle visa my parents (excluding me sebab I didn't have my flight ticket masa tu) and around 3.30pm I dah get ready dalam kereta for the case and in the meantime my dad drove us back to Kuala Kangsar for dinner.

It was our very first time presenting a case in Telegram so we were quite nervous cause seriously no ones ever did this before plus ada lecturer etc.

So it went well even macam serabut and stuff and batter phone I pulak low so my dad hantar I pergi kedai machine yang dia selalu beli barang and the owner quite friendly and let me used his phone's charger.

After 5, my groum members and I macam nak end that presentation, so everyone cakap thank you and tanya if anyone ada further questions.

My lecturer pun cakap thank you, well done etc and then this happened ..

Yes, I sent a sticker of Ed Sheeran with his two middle fingers upward to my lecturer, UNINTENTIONALLY.

Everyone was like OMG TEAH SERIOUSLY.

I WASN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE.

I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE UNDER POKOK CARI LINE CELCOM AND ALL I DID WAS LOOKING FOR A PROPER STICKER TO SHOW GRATITUDE AND THIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.

I have no idea apa akan jadi this Monday.

I personally telegrammed my lecturer asking for apologize and all she said was she enjoyed the discussion and benefitted from it.

I don't even know which part yang dia enjoy.

Kudos to me.

Melancholy May

did I lose my love to someone better
and does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do

well hey
so much I need to say
been lonely since the day
the day you went away

so sad but true
for me there's only you
been crying since the day
the day you went away

I remember date and time
September twenty second
Sunday twenty five after nine

in the doorway with your case
no longer shouting at each other
there were tears on our faces

and we were letting go of something special
something we'll never heave again
I know, I guess I really really know

- The Day You Went Away // M2M

A Beautiful Message

You need to stop worrying about who who to love and start focusing on what to love.

Life is too damn short.

You're going to face loss and heartbreak, have stomach-dropping-out-of-your-pants moments, giddy-with-butterflies moments, utter despair and a bunch of jumbled messes in-between.

Some days are going to be amazing, some days are going to freaking suck.

But bottom line : this is your life. 

and you need to grab a hold of it with your two, bare, semi-calloused, nail-bitten hands and make something of it.

Listen, you will fall in love at some point.

Maybe you already have - lucky for you, no matter how it ended.

If you have been in love, you have been blessed with a relationship that has taught you valuable lessons, that has shaped you into a resilient, passionate person, and that has made you believe in one of the most beautiful parts of our human experience.

You're lucky.

If you haven't found love, relax. 

You day will come.

You might be wandering around the city and bump into a strange man or woman who catches your eyes.

It might be as simple as that - embarrassed hellos, exchanged numbers, coffee shop dates, the first magical warm kiss - BAM. Love.

We don't know how it will happen or when or even why sometimes.

But we can't spend our days obsessing over this future, hasn't-even-happened-yet, somewhere-off-in-the-distance-relationship because we won't be present in the now.

When you put your energy and time and constant thoughts into your not-even-real-yet relationship, you are pulling yourself away from what really matters : the everyday life.

You need to stop worrying about who to love and focus on what you love.

The questions should be :

What motivates you?

What makes you passionate?

What drives you?

Focus on those things.

Thrive on those things.

Instead of scouring through potential dates' Facebook or Twitter profiles, lose yourself in a good book.

Instead of primping to look 'presentable' for a possible significant other, dress in what makes you feel good.

and while you're busy becoming a better, whole-r version of yourself, the love you've been seaarching for will find its way to you, I promise.

- Marissa Donnelly

#blackmusk

Thanks Dad, promise I'll do my best for the next semester :)

I was searching for perfume that I used to wear tapi orang kat kedai tu cakap company dah tak keluarkan stok so I was like "Really kak?"

The question is real, madagascan vanilla flower is the bestseller so far.

So I was roaming around the store and abah dah mula tanya "Nak yang mana? Pilih cepat"

and I asked the kakak just now for something that resembles vanilla, a sweet candy punya bau so dia tunjuk Black Musk and calit kat tangan abah.

The thing about Black Musk, the smell quite nice but the price is zzzzz I never spend more than 100 dollar on perfume.

But then bila abah cakap "Ambik lah" sooooo yeah ambik lah kan apa lagi plus he told me this when we walked out of that store : semester depan bagi 4 flat pulak tau.

Insyallah abah.

Promise whenever rasa mengantuk dalam kelas or rindu you and mom, I'll sniff on my wrist and I'll try to remember all your words : jangan mudah give up, jangan buat kerja last minute, jangan malas malas etc.

Again, thank you :)

18 Feb :)

Hello everyone!

sooo result final dah keluar about 1hr and 30mins ago but I chose to write this down after my parents dah tidur and yes right now diorang dah tidur and everyone dah settled down :)

First thing first, Alhamdulillah.

Thanks to Allah, my parents (sebab every week I balik rumah hahaha), my friends & everyone out there yang secara tidak langsung buat I happy and encouraged me untuk terus study even kadang2 tak happy haha.

So yeah, I decided to write down few stuff yang I rasa macam slack sangat this semester.

To be honest, I'm not that happy to be in UKM.

There is nothing wrong with the faculty/college/friends/pakcik makcik cleaner.

The thing is, diri I sendiri.

I tend to find a friend yang sebiji macam Amed, yet tak appreciate pun everyone yang ada depan mata I.

I tend to compare everyone yang nak kawan dengan I with Amed.

Memang tak happy lah jawabnya hahaha.

So yeah haritu masa study week ada gap seminggu for each paper and I balik every week tu hahaha.

I know right, masa foundation takda pun nak balik balik.

Dah degree ni ingat ke dah besar dah boleh fikir panjang but no, I chose to go home and study sorang sorang which is unhealthy sebenarnya.

One major reason is bila you study sorang sorang, you akan dapat benefits tu untuk you je.

Bila you dapat those extra knowledges or benefits just for yourself, you tak boleh practise benda tu sebab you tak share knowledges tu dengan orang lain.

and lagi satu, you tak tau pun your answers for past year questions tu betul ke tak.

because there is no single discussion.

So for those out there yang takda problem apa apa, tolong lah jangan ikut my habits yang tend to go home bila rasa tak happy or bosan.

Stay wherever you are, make friends and have a group study.

But still, I tak salahkan siapa siapa in this case.

I tau kat mana I lemah when it comes to new friends, environments and stuff.

Thus, before final haritu, I daftar semua benda : program dekat faculty and also college.

I knew I might be busy but then I sedar masa tu I perlukan skill untuk mingle dengan kawan baru.

So yeah lepas dah buka new semester ni, I might be really busy with mock trial practices and also preparing myself nak pergi Aceh, Insyallah.

Last but not least, those yang dah dapat result and it doesn't matter you dapat berapa, kena repat atau tak, just believe in yourself.

Remind yourself that this is just the beginning of something yang you dah pilih masa mula mula masuk haritu.

and it is very normal to get bad or so-so result, 7 semesters to go kot, Insyallah :D

and for my juniors yang tengah ambik law or other courses as well, study baik baik tambah tambah yang tengah foundation tu (you know who you are babes!) and dengar cerita tengah busy isi UPU so isi elok elok and buat double check so that senang system nak proses nanti.

That's it for now and again, thank you everyone :)

Nah hadiah for you readers hehe goodnight!

(( both of my parents acah tengok result hahaha ))

serendipity

I see him as a man who I want to spend my life with.

Apparently, I don't refer the person as a guy or a boy that I used call before this.

I was scrolling the twitter when I saw :

"Find someone who motivates you to become a better person"

"Find someone who brings out the best in you"

He is the type of gentleman that doesn't show any affection in personal.

But deep inside his heart I believe he's a good friend, a good companion, a great son that always make his parents proud of him.

and sometimes I find myself I always look up to him and maybe that's the thing that motivates me everyday to be a better human being.

We're good friends, we're always good whenever or wherever we are.

Either when it is among our friends, or when it is silent in a comfortable way.

"Siapa je yang kita suka, biarkan dia dalam jagaan Allah."

Of course, I've got a long way to go to become a good person, a good student, a good anak yang soleh to both of my parents, a good lawyer, a good mother to my future children, a good wife to any man whom I'm going to be married with, and not to forget, a good servant to Him.

"Dalam sibuk kita mencari tulang rusuk kiri, jangan la sampai kita lupa rahim siapa yang mengeluarkan kita"

of bertunang & kisah Opah

Sooo last few days were really hectic for me.

On the weekend, my sister and I were busy preparing for Kakak Wa's engagement kenduri etc.

Alhamdulillah everything went perfect.

It was my 2nd time pergi majlis bertunang as the first one was my brother's.

(( currently waiting for my pictures tapi photographer tak uplaod2 lagi lol ))

anddd after majlis tu which was on Sunday, I went back home and took few hours of napping around 4-6pm.

until my mom woke me up and cakap nak balik kampung.

I wasn't quite sedar masa tu or tak fully awake lagi so kinda blurred bila semua orang tengah packing while I was there doing nothing.

and yes my mom decided nak bawak my cat sekali so yeah.

Kitorang sampai Felda dalam pukul 9 malam and Opah was so happy to see us.

Late night dinner with Opah, Aki, Makcik & Iman (my little cousin, anak Makcik).

Dalam pukul 12 tengah malam semua orang masuk tidur.

and I couldn't sleep at all.

I have a problem when berubah tempat tidur, and that is actually a serious issue.

Around 2 o'clock my cat dalam sangkar berbunyi so I checked her out.

She was staring up the ceiling and I pun tengok and it was like something moving around the roof.

So yeah I took the leash and bawak kelaur my cat and bawak dia pergi tempat tidur lol it was really scary tho.

Both of us couldn't sleep and kakak bangun and she decided to stay awake and looked after my cat which was really great cause I got to watch Dee Kosh on YouTube lol.

Around 4 baru tidur and bangun subuh around 6.30am and tolong my Mom and Opah sediakan breakfast which was quite heavy : bihun goreng, nasi goreng, roti canai (requested by me).

while preparing for the food, Opah were very exciting to tell us that the next morning she's going to Cameron with her family.

Opah and Aki got married around December 2012, a couple of months after my grandma meninggal dunia and Aki was left alone.

So basically Opah was attached to 2 families, hers and Aki's family.

Apparently the next morning which was today (Tuesday), while Iman and I were watching TV and saying this to each other "Iman mesti best kan kalau dapat makan ais krim sekarang"

"Haah pastu kepit dengan roti burger"

"Pastu letak kacang sikit"

Hmm.

and then Opah pun balik.

We knew she went to her house that morning but I was totally forgotten she was supposed to go to Cameron.

She came home with 2 Buttercups (margerin buat kek for those yang tak tau) and aiskrim.

Nice, I tak faham macam mana dia boleh telepati what was in my mind just now.

So Iman and I took our seats at the table and makan ais krim and kept asking Opah how did she knew we wanted ice cream lol.

and... her family datang petang tu.

and... I saw ada bungkusan fresh vegetables kat dapur.

After we had our dinner, I asked Makcik and my mom "Bukan ke Opah patut nya pergi Cameron?"

"Ya Allah tak tahu ke? Anak-anak dia dah bertolak baru call."

"Tanpa Opah?"

"Yer"

Wow that was absolutely wow.

I have no idea what was going on with the family tapi macam dah melampau.

Like 2015 punya Raya Opah was supposed to celebrate Raya with her family.

Tapi bila dia balik rumah, no one was there.

and this time anak-anak dia made a promise to go somewhere with her, 

tapi last-last dah sampai mana-mana baru call, which was quite irrelevant kalau terlupa, mak sendiri kot?

One thing I know about Opah, and yes everyone else in my family pun macam sedar.

Dia tak pernah tunjuk dia terasa dengan family dia.

I bersyukur sebenarnya dia masuk keluarga I, at least we knew we had saved someone from those people yang tak hargai dia.

At least she knew she always have another family yang dia boleh datang balik bila her own family macam tak nak dia.

I rasa marah sangat tapi bila fikir balik, tak elok campur dalam hal keluarga orang.

Maybe Opah has her own way to tolerate with her family members, but once again, I'm quite disappointed.

For those out there yang rasa macam dah jauh sangat from your parents,

I ingat lagi pesan cikgu I.

Bila you dah besar, you dah bergaji, you dah ada rumah sendiri, you dah ada tanggungjawab sendiri,

You jangan lupa your parents.

Yes, they might be saying "Go have fun, you have worked hard all these years"

Yet you still need their blessings.

While you're growing your own world, career, family and stuff,

please remember that they are growing old too.

Five Things People Normally Hard to Accept

Your skin never be perfect,

and that's okay.

Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee/tea & the haircut you want.

Everyone including your family, your coworkers and your best friend,

they will talk behind your back and you will talk about them too.

It doesn't mean you don't love each other.

It is absolutely okay to spend money on things that make you happy.

Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate.

It will happen when you're six, it will happen when you're sixty, that's life.

You see, there will be many reasons seemingly to not do that thing you want to. There will be severe pressure from your people, your own apprehensions, anything. But if you are sure about what you want, you should go ahead and do it but at the same time try not to let your happiness depend so much on what color your hair is, or what tattoo you didn't get. I'm sure nobody is against you being happy, they just have their opinions and expectations, but guess what. In the end, it's your life so go ahead and do what your really want. - dothisnow_

Part of me :)

All those little moments?

They aren't little.

2012-2013

Good memories with great people :)

p/s too bad I lost most of the pictures with my dormates, gotta dig any folders soon.

More Than Words //

To be honest it has been a while since I made cards, wrapped any special gifts etc.
To put them into words : It has been a while since I showed my appreciation to someone.

For example, I forgot Aishah's birthday.
For God's sake, she decided to ignore me for the past few months and only talked to me few days sebelum final.

I asked her why and she said "seriously man you forgot my birthday! and you asked when was my birthday on my fucking birthday and the next day I knew that you were actually going out having some fun with some family! serious man on my birthday?"

WOW okay I never knew it is really a big deal to her.
YES she came all the way on September to make surprise on my birthday but I TOTALLY FORGOT HER BLOODY BIRTHDAY because I was busy (in other words, I was too ignorant)

I have no idea what was wrong with me in the past few months.
I used to be a sweet person, a person that will provide all the good stuff like a santa for a sad person (no Aishah I'm not saying you're a sad person)

I used to be the one willingly gave out my best advices to those in need.
I know now i'm not that person anymore.

but that doesn't stop me, I don't want any silly mistakes like this ever happens again, I don't want any minute that will change my friendship with anyone.

I might need a planner, I might need a calendar, a proper schedule that will balance my study, my works, my readings & my inter-personel relation with humans.

I might need to be more sensible with people around me, not just with the bodies, but with their feelings too.

I need to get back to the old me, the sweet one.